'Jay, don't give up. Live..."; R&R August 8th, Philadelphia

Someone that has been a true sister to me longer than anyone has ever been true "family" to me is totally against what I have announced - tying my life to that of the 3,000,000 in Darfur, that may well mean that as with many of them, I may well not live to see much of October.
She wrote me a long, passionate, thoughtful, forceful letter. I will not publish it here, out of respect and confidentiality for her. But the issues she raised I addressed in a letter to her and that I will share.

Among her major issues:
* Are you so frustrated, depleted and tired that you are just giving up? Get help! Rebuild yourself.
* The way of life is to scratch to keep yourself alive! Don't stop!
* Can serve better alive!
* Healthy people should not throw their lives away! That is simply wrong!
* I just don't understand you!

The response from me:

Hi sweetie!

I really, really value what you had to say, and the love and compassion that you said it with. Thanks dear.

I have never felt more alive. I have never been more greedy for Life. Tired? I don't get it, but I've got tons of energy lately. (Hmm. I do get it. My body is getting real good at feeding off of itself.) But it is not just my life that I am greedy for, but rather everyone's life, born and not yet born, for eons to come.

All the people we referenced, Gandhi, Jesus, King, etc. agree with me, not you dear. :-) . All the soldiers of destruction and violence, but nobility throughout the ages agree with me, not you. Good soldiers, really good ones - violent or antiviolent, do not hesitate to put their lives on the line, or even to take suicide missions. This is indesputable. WHAT MAKES IT HARD TO SEE IN ME IS THAT WE'VE ALL BEEN WEANED ON THE IDEA THAT FIGHTING MEANS DESTRUCTION. WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN NO MODELS OF ANTIVIOLENT FIGHTING. What models we do have in the so-called "peace" movement is the cowardice that is nothing of the kind - no model of nonviolence at all. HOWEVER, THANK GOD, THERE ARE SOME VALID EXCEPTIONS EMERGING!!! CODE PINK / TROOPS HOME FAST!!!!!!!! King, AND HIS FAMILY, were under documented DEATH THREAT virtually every day of his adult life. AND HIS "FAMILY"!!! I can't imagine that level of courage, and goodness. But I want to. HORRIBLE OF HIM, unless we realize that he, like I've now come to, REJECTS THE IDEA THAT EVERYONE IS NOT HIS FAMILY.

What follows is not a request, but if you ever want to understand me, ponder what I've written on the blog, deeply. Study nonviolent writings (antiviolent is a much more correct term than "nonviolent" that suggests passivity). Gandhi's "All Men are Brothers" may be the best. There is little original in the direction of my thinking or action in light of these folks we've mentioned. I am in line with their lives, actions and views.

And no, you are wrong. Scratching for our own lives is NOT the way of life. Scratching for the lives of OTHERS is the way of life. Nice try! Trying to fool me. :-) . Look at you and [your husband] and how you scratch for your biological [20 something son]! (The scratching-for-ourselves, AND FOR "OUR OWN," that has become our religion in this sick culture of ours, is actually death - cancer; that is when cells become cancer - they turn from scratching for the body/all other cells, and just start scratching for themselves, and the few cells around them, and then the whole body gets sick, CANCEROUS, and dies. Just like we HAVE BECOME CANCEROUS, AND ARE DYING. Ok, now imagine that not just [NAME] is your son, but so are all the 3,000,000 in concentration camps in Darfur being starved to death; and SO ARE THE NEXT GENERATION OF DESTITUTE; SO ARE THE NEXT GENERATION OF OPPRESSORS - WE IN THE US.... Imagine how you might scratch for all of them!!!!!!!!!!

Regarding that you will not have me come stay with you in what may be my final days - [Sister], I feel you with me. I feel your unconditional love; always have. Never doubt that. I know you love me and support not what I am doing, but me. I am so grateful for that.

I've got your info and will keep you updated, largely through the blog though. Must keep focussed on trying to save us. It is not too late. Must make every second count. Matter of life and death. September 17th is our last chance. SAVEDARFUR.ORG

Just so you know, I WILL BE FIGHTING FOR OUR LIVES, MINE AND DARFUR'S UP UNTIL MY LAST BREATH. ANYONE THAT WANTS TO SAVE ME AND OUR DARFUR FAMILY CAN DO SO BY MAKING THE SAVEDARFUR.ORG COALITION SEPTEMBER 17TH RALLY'S AROUND THE COUNTRY AND AROUND THE WORLD THE END OF THE GENOCIDE. IF DARFUR AND I DIE IT WILL BE DUE TO THE NEGLECT OF OUR FAMILY, EVERYWHERE.

SEPT 17TH can be allowed to fail, and the neglect of this opportunity will kill us.

Love you all always,

Jay